a prayer at dark

The human heart is designed to be a conductor and consumer for sin. It is fickle, untrusting, and doubting. Naturally, my thoughts always seem to collaborate with the fall of my faith. Those moments when we tell ourselves that our souls have more room for sin than Jesus. Those moments when we put evil upon a throne, and console ourselves with fleeting fulfillment. It’s moments like these when I ask myself: Did my faith fail me?

And isn’t this the question, that down to it’s core, is standing between us and loving God? It is frankly crazy to me that so many times I will look the Lord in the face and tell Him that He’s not enough. That He’s not who I’m needing in my darkness and that He’s only there for my ups. It’s unsettling and to me sickening when I choose the easy, grappling hands of destruction over a Healer, a Creator, and a LOVER of my sin. In experiencing (so blessedly) the living water in my life, I still choose salt. A substance that wil never pacify an aching and needy heart.
Through my rambling thoughts, I finally had a moment with the Lord. I ¬†finally humbled my overbearing and arrogant conclusions to find that the Lord wants me…everyone…. to be engaged to what he has set forth. The thing is, moments of encountering the Lord, they are not enough to be completely in love and dependent on Him. It takes a recognition of how PRECIOUS and wholly needed his blessings are. His blessings are all we need. HE is all we need. Reaping and adoring the detailed love he sends us every day with just my two eyes instead of a greedy heart. My prayer tonight is to be in complete compliance with that statement.

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