Parasitic Pain

I’ll simply tell the truth in this white textbox because this morning I realized the truth sets you free.  You do not realize how caged you are until you seek your pain. Pain that is rooted to your very, utmost core. Parasitic pain. It is unacknowledged, buried, and deathly. It is of the world. It snakes through your heart like an earthquake, making canyons, dividing you into new places. You bury these divisions, you let the dust settle. You hoard your brokenness. 

I recently came across this method, or idea… called a healing map. In this map, you write down every painful experience that has left you abandoned in its soul-deteriorating aftermath. Things that have clamped on to your heart and continue to feed and fester. I have always recognized the shakiness in my past, but it’s very disheartening to write down every experience, and every loved one who has caused a painful ripple in your life. It’s a liberation from yourself.

After I finished, I rested my hands and just closed my eyes. There was a moment of reflection and freedom in what I had done. I then reviewed these experiences and circled every feeling that had made my soul drift from the Lord. 

I made a list, entitled: “I am:” which included a number of adjectives that seemed to sum up each damaging experience.

Dissappointed

Broken-hearted

purposeless

jealous

judgemental

hurtful

ashamed

empty

self pitying

The list goes on…

This accumulation was very unexpected. I have never looked at my life with such pity. But as soon as that self wallowing hit, I stopped. I proceeded to think about the triumph of the Lord. Over every situation: His glory over my flaws. His construction, over my destruction. I proceeded to begin a new list. A list entitled: “He is:” Over the next couple of days, I stepped foot into a new climate of faith. My heart started to examine my brothers, my sisters, myself in a whole new shade of renewal. I was boxed in his grace. He cornered my heart so that I could experience nothing but His unceasing mercies. People began to look more like “works” to me… His works. He made it so evident, so free standing, the weight of the world’s grasp around us, and His trouncing hand over that very starvation that is in all our hearts. A starvation that is caused not by brokenness, but the room we leave for brokenness. Today, I encourage you to examine the space in which you leave for your past and your present and your future troubles. Physically write each one down, and pray over each one. My prayer for you and for myself is that we can recognize the hand of the Lord over each crack in our lives, so that me may have an open, uncluttered, and joyful heart, that is ready to serve to its full capacity. I pray that we can understand that our hearts are designed to not withstand brokenness but be set free from its power. Let us submit ourselves, and petition the healing we attempt to find in other things/people, and come to the Lord with an empty cup, so that we might fill ourselves with His grace, overflowing to a hurting earth.

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