the wonder behind His promises

Just short thoughtful, thoughts tonight. Wondering about His grace… how it stretches so wide…how intriguingly incomprehensible it becomes when you need it most. 


The more you live, the messier things get. The more calloused our hearts become… and the more frequent unbelief conquers our surrender. The trade in of our woes do not recipriocate the gift of grace He so mysteriously offers.


In all honesty, there was no eloquent process in understanding this tonight… but understanding is precious and I will not be too proud to tell the truth. Tonight, I kicked back with mom, ready to watch Jude Law in “The Talented Mr. Ripely”. As a preface, I had no idea what this movie was about. I just knew Jude was in it and nothing else mattered. {haha}


But as the demented plot thickened, my stomach twisted. If you have ever seen the movie, you understand how much your utter soul leaps when Matt Damon smiles that insanely creepy grin. But behind the shuttering, and the hibernating under my pillow, I questioned. I thought. I doubted.


Among every new lie, among every person killed, among every opportunity to redeem himself, he rejected grace. If you haven’t been extremely disturbed by this movie already, the crux of the movie is basically a guy (Matt Damon) is paid to go to Italy to retrieve a rich ship builders son (Jude Law).  There, Matt Damon develops an unhealthy obsession with Jude Law’s character, yada yada yada, he kills him, he kills two more people, he impersonates Jude Law’s character, wears his clothes, lies to everyone, gets away with it, falls in love with another man who loves him back, the man swears to love Matt Damon unconditionally, and then he kills the guy. Blatantly, there is a theme of crying rejection to any absolution from anyone. Although I squirmed in my seat the entire film, It’s thought provoking and insightful, and I think it challenged me to look at a more dramatized version of the disowning of His promises I constantly preform. These vile, disgusting events in the movie were embraced by our Father. How bewildering… how small and weak it makes me feel to know that I will never understand the infinity and eternality of Him. I am the nail that pierces His hand. I am the vinegar that the sinners gave Him to drink.


That indefinable, unfathomable grace gives me hope in my ignorance. Among these assorted thoughts, I recalled a piece of truth that loves my heart tenderly in my darkest moments.

      If my mind is the size of a soda can, and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say that he is only the small amount of water I can scoop in to my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air-food-sleep dependant lives.” -Francis Chan

What I’ve come to understand: Be humble in misunderstanding, be heedful in pitfalls. Softness, impressionable….that is the ultimate texture of the redeemed. 




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