Skin

Do I walk funny?

Cause it happens

that I wear loose skin

stretched

from the faith

I used to fit in

This skin I carry

is thin like worked dough

transparent enough to cover

but pale enough to show

me that I have loved the current far too fondly

I have loved a fire that has destroyed me completely

I have taken chances that were not worth taking

And here I am

wearing, my loose skin

and I feel it

cause I feel the cold in the mornings

as I try to cover myself with it, like a blanket

feeling for warmth of a memory

feeling for signs of ignition

regression

killing once holy ambitions

at night there are ashes from a fire that died long ago

I reach to feel the burn

when I already know

that there is no oxygen

he is gone

I am alone

my faith is in repair

and all I know are street signs, photographs, poetry, and silicone hope

Realizing that your mind can wander til you’ve lost your home

you’ve lost lots

not handfuls 

but buckets of sand 

its heavy and rough 

but not enough sand to cover where you stand,

where you will run,

the places where your feet will touch

cause the pain he, or we, or our minds 

have abraded our hopes into,

it’s a cup 

not the stretch of a shore

but a cup 

not the length of a mile

but a mere cup

and it will never be but a small number

a small space

a itty bitty surface area

a shadow casted from a past

that He tells us will be redeemed

over and over

You are redeemed

even when you don’t want to hear it

You are redeemed

when you’ve fallen faster than grace can touch you

You are redeemed

in the midst of your sin

You are redeemed

 

So I stand here with stretch marks of faith

covering this see through dough

and yeah

I’ve got a long way to go

to find my way back

my toes are just now leaving this sand entrenched past

and yes

I have drawn a lot of lines in the land

because I almost always cross them

but there’s this word that means truth

and it’s called the Gospel

and no not the shiny, metallic, heavy book your preacher holds up on Sundays

but a honest, surviving truth

that will love and erase your sin

just as much as you want to cover it

it will rough the dough, until you’re grown in

to a stretched out, fought for, holy skin

 

 

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