For the longest time, I grew up unscathed and embraced. I was a tree whose roots had never experienced thirst or tire or uproot. But now that’s not the case.
I think everyone experiences that turn where your life isn’t such a plateau. I don’t know when that was for you, but I know that it’s happened. And I don’t know what it feels like for you, but for me it feels like someone dragged me from my home, my safety, and my tether. Without warning. Without the stories, without flashing lights, without anything but the color of white inhibiting my eyes making me feel the pain of unexpectancy.
It’s when undoubtable became doubted. It’s when unconditional love found a condition. Or two, or three, or a thousand.
And sometimes I feel stranded. I felt like I could have maybe dug my fingernails into the ground a little more than I did, I felt like I could have tightened the muscles of my forearms to experience just a bit more of the hold, just so I at least felt a dangling sense of belonging.
But instead there was a flash of light and the people who held me together let go. They had more concerns, and I was older, and they were too, and I was different now and there was a circular hole to be fitted into and I was too square. My hands were molded to hold hopes, but they tried desperately to hold the hurt while still saving face. Without being a burden.
I guess what I’m trying to say is please be burdened. Even if it takes alot to be sad, do it. There’s alot of people who get tired of being responsible for you. It happens and it’s awful. But the Lord eagerly sets apart people who joyfully repair you from the day the untouched hair on your head first burst forth through that atmosphere on into a defeating and parasitic surrounding. And if those people aren’t yet apparent, allow me to pray for you. There are so many gory parts of me that are shared in love by people now. Allow His divinity to creep through old and new sidewalk cracked-cements, filling you with the knowledge that His presence and His community are worlds apart from the once “unconditional love” you received. Trust in my hurt that breaking into an atmosphere of new and unaccounted-for pain has the potential to show you elation that is just as unexpected. We are the wounded.